Aunt Flo, you fucker...

Today was possibly the shittiest day I've had in months. And I do mean that literally.

I knew it was going to be bad when all I wanted to do was sit on the edge of the bed and whimper at the cramping in my abdomen. The bloat was so bad that I just wanted to give up and call in fat. I mean sick.

Then there was the laundry issue. I've been very lax with the laundry, so all I had to wear were a few skirts & dresses, all of which necessitated the wearing of hose. To make matters worse, I only had Control Top pantyhose, which squeezed the bloat in my abdomen into a lovely and attractive spare tire above my skirt's elastic waistband. Loose top, looser button down shirt over top of that, and I still felt fat. Well, fatter.

I was moving slow, so I was into work 5 minutes later than usual, putting various feathers in a bunch. It's amazing what havoc 5 minutes can wreak.

About halfway through the day, I realized I just wasn't going to make it. I talked to my assistant Principal, who gave me permission to go on home. I think the naked face helped - I really do look ill when I don't wear makeup.

At home, with a heating pad and a megadose of Aleve, I reaped another benefit of Aunt Flo's visit: the watershed. After retaining water for two days, I found myself leaking liquids from every possible orifice - tears, snot, sweat, among others - as the water sought a way out of my body. Ready to just end my life in a dramatic fulminating shower of bodily fluids, I had a good whiny pity party and ate chocolate. Naps a-plenty followed. As did a dinner heavy on the beef (to replace the iron what I've been losing) and greasy saltiness (because I already catered to the chocolate craving portion of Aunt Flo's visit). Meatball sub and Old Bay fries - possibly Aunt Flo's favorite dinner.

I feel better now, and am just about rid of that nasty old slag Aunt Flo.

Thank God, else I'd write really disgusting posts.