Saturday, November 14, 2009

Friends and laughter

I have a long road ahead of me, teaching this new course. Already, I've had some bumps on that road, and will now have to redouble my efforts just to stay on target. I know that this uncertainty about my abilities has played a part in my depression this last month.

For my whole life, I've both judged myself and been judged on what I can do - my worth was always measured by my intelligence. Twisted as it sounds, it was one of the things that allowed me not to care about how I looked: as long as I was "worthy" inside my skin, it really didn't matter what the outside of me looked like. It reinforced my belief that putting emphasis on one's looks made one shallow. I've since achieved a slightly less skewed balance on that viewpoint. Because my self-perceived worth has been challenged this school year, I've dropped into this depression.

Today, I spent the afternoon surrounded by friends at a bridal shower. Tonight, I'll be helping another friend celebrate his upcoming 40th birthday. I'm thinking some friends and laughter will be just what the doctor ordered to drag my out of this.

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  • Chin up.

    You're half Welshish, so it's understandable. Look on on the bright side, you could be Scottish or Irish.

    Here's a Dylan (not Bob):

    The force that through the green fuse drives the flower
    Drives my green age; that blasts the roots of trees
    Is my destroyer.
    And I am dumb to tell the crooked rose
    My youth is bent by the same wintry fever.

    The force that drives the water through the rocks
    Drives my red blood; that dries the mouthing streams
    Turns mine to wax.
    And I am dumb to mouth unto my veins
    How at the mountain spring the same mouth sucks.

    The hand that whirls the water in the pool
    Stirs the quicksand; that ropes the blowing wind
    Hauls my shroud sail.
    And I am dumb to tell the hanging man
    How of my clay is made the hangman's lime.

    The lips of time leech to the fountain head;
    Love drips and gathers, but the fallen blood
    Shall calm her sores.
    And I am dumb to tell a weather's wind
    How time has ticked a heaven round the stars.

    And I am dumb to tell the lover's tomb
    How at my sheet goes the same crooked worm.

    By Blogger garfer, At 7:58 PM  

  • Excuse me while I just lean across and put my foot in the arse of your friend and mine in the corner over there. He recites good poetry, but his Scottish / Irish remark has left me deeply traumatised and somewhat tearful.

    In fact... I nearly let a tear fall into my morning gless of brandy with the shock of it all.

    By Blogger Jimmy Bastard, At 4:43 AM  

  • Insert yon foot, Jimmy. It just so happens that I *am* part Scottish, Garfy (but mostly Welshish with a dash of English for good measure and a large slice of Italian for spice). I've got no Irish, though.

    By Blogger Peevish McSnark, At 5:53 PM  

  • I may be able to help you there....

    By Blogger Jimmy Bastard, At 2:41 PM  

  • Hahahahahahahahahaha. Siobhan would hand me my arse, and I'd feel so guilty, I'd let her.

    By Blogger Peevish McSnark, At 9:23 PM  

  • Are you the Welsh person who went mad over me using the word BRITS too many times?

    By Blogger MJ, At 1:19 PM  

  • no! I'm only of Welsh ancestry. Say brit all you like!

    By Blogger Peevish McSnark, At 6:17 PM  

  • I've always measured myself by my intelligence as well and it's always been problematic because others in the real world seem all too ready to dismiss my offerings at the altar of Gnostica.

    Things could be worse so I don't want to sound ungrateful and I do enjoy making merriment...perhaps someday they'll realise that it takes a bit of doing to keep all of these largely superfluous/vapid reference points on hand?

    This is precisely why I find Blogging to be a safe haven in the stormy sea of self defeatism.

    Now that I've lived inside this shell for over half a Century I have grown far less concerned aboot what others think.

    I apologise for "oversharing" but the tone of your post seemed to warrant an honest response.

    Let us keep this our little secret and I'll try to make you laugh next time Okay?

    By Blogger Donn, At 9:43 AM  

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