Delving deeply into TMI territory

Ok, so here's the thing: apparently, as women age, certain areas of our bodies become, well, slightly less tropical, to not put too fine a point on it. Things are becoming a bit more arid in some of my regions. As a matter of fact, the WCM noted upon his last foray into the bush, that there was some danger of a brush fire. I did, in fact, feel the effects of this relative drought, later that evening, as the friction involved during his expedition left the area rather, ahem, scorched.

Upon realizing that the situation was, in fact, dire, I resolved upon the spot to find a solution to this problem. If there is to be a raging inferno in my loins, I'd rather it be the kind that leads to mind-numbing, bone-melting orgasms, and not to walking spraddle-legged and saddle-sore later. So I girded the aforementioned loins and decided on a sortie to Target - specifically, to the "feminine products" aisle.

My mission of finding lubrication became much more complicated than I had orginally anticipated. I had no idea of the scope of the product. Did I want a regular bottle of clear liquid or did I want a can of lubricating mousse? Or, perhaps, a mist application? Did I want a scent? And if so, did I want it fruity, flowery, or something entirely different? Did I want one large bottle, or did I want an assortment of smaller bottles, each with a different property? Oh, and speaking of properties, did I want it to warm me, cool me, soothe me, or make me tingle? Then, there is the brand issue - would one be considered the Ultimate Cheapskate if one purchased store-brand lube, as opposed to a brand name? We are in a recession, after all. Where, exactly, does one draw the line, if there is indeed a line to be drawn in such matters?

In the end, after spending ten minutes blushing and tittering in the aisle, I purchased a variety pack of individual packets - some warming, some tingling, some soothing, and two fruity flavored ones. That should make for some interesting moments, eh?