Orlando

No, not the indie film with Tilda Swensson (which I loved, by the way). No not the city in Florida. The actor, the pirate, the elf - yea verily, Orlando Bloom.

So what if he's younger than my little brother. A mere babe in arms. He's still HOT.

And now, it comes out, he's free. Unattached. Unencumbered. Single.

My dreams will not be safe now. Visions of Orlando will haunt my sleep, tormenting me with their incendiary glances. I'm going straight to hell, and I'm going to enjoy every smoldering inch of the trip.