Light Flirtation
I'll admit it - I'm a flirt.
I flirt with everyone, too - men, women, family pets, it really doesn't matter. Location is similarly irrelevant, because I'll flirt anywhere. What began in Ninth grade with Andy, Alistair, and Mike, has turned into a 24/7 Flirt-o-RamaTM.
Exhibit A - Trader Joe's, yesterday afternoon.
I was browsing the cheese selection, having a hankering for some Saint André, when I was accosted by a short, swarthy septagenarian - himself a flirt - who was having a laughing "argument" with a woman of his generation. Instead of brushing off the pint-sized paisan, I deployed Insta-flirtTM and was able to banter satisfactorily. "Oh really sir? I would never have known you were 74! You're so sprightly and nattily dressed!" I almost had to arm-wrestle his ladyfriend for him.
Exhibit B - My classroom, this morning
One of my more recalcitrant students was clomping his way into class, posturing the whole way about 'dis wack class. I brought out my bottle of Flirt LiteTM and gave myself a little spritz. I put my arm around his shoulders and smiled up at him, saying "You know Bud*, you're my favorite student today! How would you like to help collect the homework and pass out the papers?" I wasn't really surprised when he slung his books on a desk and said "Git your homework out peoples, 'cause I'm collectin' it, yo!" Such is my power.
Exhibit C - Marshall's, this afternoon
In the changing rooms, trying on pup tents disguised as dresses, another zaftig shopper emerged wearing an extremely flattering caftan. "Honey, you should soooo get that!" I gush, having recently imbibed in my favorite beverage, FlirtaccinoTM. "You look gorgeous in it!" My Rubenesque object dimpled charmingly, and I felt like the sun came shining out through the clouds.
This last exhibit serves as a reminder that flirtation can be dangerously addictive. It might be time for me to start attending Flirtaholics Anonymous meetings. "Hey, y'all! My name's Bronwen, and I'd just loooove to get to know all you fabulous people! Especially you in the front, handsome!" Somehow, I think those meetings would be a challenge...
*not his real name, duh!
I flirt with everyone, too - men, women, family pets, it really doesn't matter. Location is similarly irrelevant, because I'll flirt anywhere. What began in Ninth grade with Andy, Alistair, and Mike, has turned into a 24/7 Flirt-o-RamaTM.
Exhibit A - Trader Joe's, yesterday afternoon.
I was browsing the cheese selection, having a hankering for some Saint André, when I was accosted by a short, swarthy septagenarian - himself a flirt - who was having a laughing "argument" with a woman of his generation. Instead of brushing off the pint-sized paisan, I deployed Insta-flirtTM and was able to banter satisfactorily. "Oh really sir? I would never have known you were 74! You're so sprightly and nattily dressed!" I almost had to arm-wrestle his ladyfriend for him.
Exhibit B - My classroom, this morning
One of my more recalcitrant students was clomping his way into class, posturing the whole way about 'dis wack class. I brought out my bottle of Flirt LiteTM and gave myself a little spritz. I put my arm around his shoulders and smiled up at him, saying "You know Bud*, you're my favorite student today! How would you like to help collect the homework and pass out the papers?" I wasn't really surprised when he slung his books on a desk and said "Git your homework out peoples, 'cause I'm collectin' it, yo!" Such is my power.
Exhibit C - Marshall's, this afternoon
In the changing rooms, trying on pup tents disguised as dresses, another zaftig shopper emerged wearing an extremely flattering caftan. "Honey, you should soooo get that!" I gush, having recently imbibed in my favorite beverage, FlirtaccinoTM. "You look gorgeous in it!" My Rubenesque object dimpled charmingly, and I felt like the sun came shining out through the clouds.
This last exhibit serves as a reminder that flirtation can be dangerously addictive. It might be time for me to start attending Flirtaholics Anonymous meetings. "Hey, y'all! My name's Bronwen, and I'd just loooove to get to know all you fabulous people! Especially you in the front, handsome!" Somehow, I think those meetings would be a challenge...
*not his real name, duh!
posted by Peevish McSnark at
10:27 PM
6 Comments:
this is ironic, the word of the day over at Waking Ambrose is 'flirtation'.
You should come for a visit. Every day there is a word with the Ambrose Bierce definition plus anew one that the blogger (Doug) makes up. Then his commenters just party all day, making comments, usually related to the work.
Wednesday's he has a guest (Whinger was there last week) and on Saturday there is a story.
By
Kyahgirl, At
11:36 AM
seems I screwed up the link, here is the url:
http://bitterbierce.blogspot.com/
By
Kyahgirl, At
11:38 AM
Ooh I am just flirting I mean flitting all over the place.
See by your profile that you are a Cancerian - no, not a pickup line -I'm a moonchild too.
Now excuse me, I think I'll head over to the nearest Flirtbucks to pick up one of those Flirtochinos.
By
Anonymous, At
3:06 PM
Hi Bronwen, it was great to see you over there :-)
I like your trademarked flirting techniques and tools, gave me a laugh!
and watch out for Brian, he's a big flirt!
By
Kyahgirl, At
3:07 PM
Hi, Bronwen. I believe I've been here before. Seems like a good place to flirt.
Thanks, Kyahgirl for the referral.
By
Doug The Una, At
5:24 PM
I never flirt. I direct my full on psycho stare at people instead.
It seems to do the trick.
By
garfer, At
4:24 PM
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