Irritable...

It's hot and humid. Irritable.
Stupid summer reruns. Irritable.
Aunt Flo arrived. Irritable.

But, I have to say, one person - someone I don't even know - has irritated me a couple of times this summer, and I'm using my free public forum to vent.

Ok, so I've had Duodenal Switch surgery. There are forums (fora? forii? forae?) for people who have had weight loss surgery, and I belong to a few of them. Most of the time, I lurk, because I'm fairly new to the post-op insights. I mean, I've done tons of research and know all about the process, but I'm still only 35 days out of surgery (and about 38 pounds down - wheee!) so I don't know all that much. Understanding that I don't know much, I realize my place on the DS pecking order - peon - so I don't dare call anybody on what I consider to be hypocritical behavior. On the forum, that is. Here? Different story.

But not yet, my pretties. Not yet. You see, you have to understand the intense insecurities that we, the Outrageously Obese (I like it better than "Morbidly Obese" - so much nicer, don't you think?) harbor in our darkest thoughts. Many of us lose sight of what "normal" is. Sometimes, we get caught up in the losing phase, and succumb to a near-anorexic mindset, where losing is the only thing that matters. Others of us sabotage their surgery by eating starchy carbs, subconsciously scared of losing the "armor" they've constructed over the years. Counter-productive, certainly.

There are those who've had a lovely surgical experience and recovery - swift, relatively painless, and uncomplicated. There are others who've had horrible hospital stays, infections, pulmonary emboli, adhesions, etc... There are people who can eat whatever they want, and there are people who are completely intolerant of certain foods.

Still, we are supposedly all in the same boat, having chosen the same surgery, having faced a lifetime of obesity and the complications it brings, and having all lain down on that scary surgeon's table with the same prayer in our minds "please, let it work and let me live."

There are, for the most part, a group of post-ops on each board who are cheerleaders to all. Kind women (and men) who rah-rah each wow moment we have and comiserate on our disappointments. Then there is this one. She is a long-term post-op who has lost an impressive 200+ pounds. For that, I salute her. It's one of the reasons I have read her blog off and on for a year (although it's not on my sidebar). Now, I may have to give that up.

I noticed last month, just after my surgery, that she'd gotten really bitchy on her blog about a certain individual on the forum. Understandable, I guess, but it irritated me nonetheless. Her blog, for the past year, has been a veritable catalogue of insecurities. She's been a bit like an ostrich in certain areas of her life, unable to get her head out of the sand and attain closure. Still, it was entertaining reading - a bit like Sex and the City, with a crankier edge.

For her snarky coments, though, well, I learned in preschool that if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. I guess this lesson passed her by. She's snarked recently about a woman that has been nothing but open about her life, emotionally laying herself bare to the forum, asking questions that expose her insecurities to the world. There's no way I could be that brave and reveal so much about myself to the forum. And the nature of the comments she made, well, I guess I'm too sensitive for my own good. I remember thinking "Pots and Kettles, anyone?" Just because you have different issues doesn't mean you should feel free to call someone on theirs, right? We're all a bit fucked up, aren't we? Don't enable, by any means, but don't snark around behind their back, either.

Well, it could just be the arrival of Aunt Flo or the humidity, but I've gotten a bit fed up. Hey, if she can snark, then so can I.

Just remember, people: we've all got problems.