Schadenfreude, sweet Schadenfreude...
The WCM has us both on a diet and it is quickly sapping my will to live.
He wants to lose about 10-15 pounds, and has chosen to try the South Beach diet. Since I am the one in charge of working the stove, I went out and bought the book, perused the recipes, and made up the week's meal plan. He's gamely trying it on, but I have to tell you, I don't like it.
It's only the third day of South Beach so far - which I am not even following that strictly - and I don't like it. Fucking vegetables! They are everywhere, contaminating my kitchen with their shocking greenness. Not content with taking over the two produce drawers in my already gargantuan refrigerator, they've now annexed a whole shelf for their own. I hate vegetables, did you know that? I avoid them with an almost religious zeal. I had to go so far as to make a New Year's Resolution to eat more of the damn things, and they are at the very core of this @$^*% diet. I am not a goddamn rabbit! I care naught for the green leafies, yet what made up one-third of my lunch yesterday? A Greek Salad. What did I have for dinner yesterday? A Cobb Salad with Chicken. What is in my lunch today? DING DING DING, we have a winner!! Fucking goddamn salad, that's what!!! There are other vegetables, to be sure, and we have tried some. We had sauteed cabbage, too. It was marginally palatable. We tried the "Fauxtatoes," which to me, were only rendered edible after the generous addition of Boursin cheese. Otherwise, fauxtatoes are nothing more than a colorless acrid gruel.
We're doing fine on the protein portions of South Beach - we like meat in our house. Cheese, to me, is one of the finest foods on the face of the earth. However, it's the lean part about all of that that is making me crazy - low fat? I can't do low fat. I don't absorb 82% of the fat that I eat now - everything that passes through me is instantly rendered low-fat by my reconfigured intestines. Low fat can suck my ass!
One of the rewards of doing this whole South Beach initiative is that the WCM has learned how to work the stove, and has been cooking us both breakfast in the morning. Imagine this - after nearly 18 years of marriage, I come downstairs to a teensy cheese omelette and 2 slices of canadian bacon. My heart melted like the low-fat cheese on that omelette. It was pretty tasty, too.
By far and away the best part of this trip to "The Beach" has been to watch the WCM suffering on this diet. Sure, it's schadenfreude, but it's almost sweet and delicious enough in and of itself to make up for the lack of sugar during Phase One. After all, during every single diet I've ever been on, he's been unsupportive and a general jackass. It does my heart good to watch him bang his head against the wall on this one.
To paraphrase Louis XIV, "Vindictive bitch, c'est moi."
He wants to lose about 10-15 pounds, and has chosen to try the South Beach diet. Since I am the one in charge of working the stove, I went out and bought the book, perused the recipes, and made up the week's meal plan. He's gamely trying it on, but I have to tell you, I don't like it.
It's only the third day of South Beach so far - which I am not even following that strictly - and I don't like it. Fucking vegetables! They are everywhere, contaminating my kitchen with their shocking greenness. Not content with taking over the two produce drawers in my already gargantuan refrigerator, they've now annexed a whole shelf for their own. I hate vegetables, did you know that? I avoid them with an almost religious zeal. I had to go so far as to make a New Year's Resolution to eat more of the damn things, and they are at the very core of this @$^*% diet. I am not a goddamn rabbit! I care naught for the green leafies, yet what made up one-third of my lunch yesterday? A Greek Salad. What did I have for dinner yesterday? A Cobb Salad with Chicken. What is in my lunch today? DING DING DING, we have a winner!! Fucking goddamn salad, that's what!!! There are other vegetables, to be sure, and we have tried some. We had sauteed cabbage, too. It was marginally palatable. We tried the "Fauxtatoes," which to me, were only rendered edible after the generous addition of Boursin cheese. Otherwise, fauxtatoes are nothing more than a colorless acrid gruel.
We're doing fine on the protein portions of South Beach - we like meat in our house. Cheese, to me, is one of the finest foods on the face of the earth. However, it's the lean part about all of that that is making me crazy - low fat? I can't do low fat. I don't absorb 82% of the fat that I eat now - everything that passes through me is instantly rendered low-fat by my reconfigured intestines. Low fat can suck my ass!
One of the rewards of doing this whole South Beach initiative is that the WCM has learned how to work the stove, and has been cooking us both breakfast in the morning. Imagine this - after nearly 18 years of marriage, I come downstairs to a teensy cheese omelette and 2 slices of canadian bacon. My heart melted like the low-fat cheese on that omelette. It was pretty tasty, too.
By far and away the best part of this trip to "The Beach" has been to watch the WCM suffering on this diet. Sure, it's schadenfreude, but it's almost sweet and delicious enough in and of itself to make up for the lack of sugar during Phase One. After all, during every single diet I've ever been on, he's been unsupportive and a general jackass. It does my heart good to watch him bang his head against the wall on this one.
To paraphrase Louis XIV, "Vindictive bitch, c'est moi."
Labels: peevish, South Beach, Weight loss surgery
posted by Peevish McSnark at
10:08 AM
3 Comments:
don't like vegetables?!?!?!
you're missing out on some of life's simple pleasures, mlle. mcsnark
By
upyernoz, At
12:17 PM
YUCK! Hate 'em. Gimme a good recipe, Noz, since you love them so much!!
By
Peevish McSnark, At
2:23 PM
veggies are actually best raw.
By
upyernoz, At
10:55 AM
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