Grande, no, er, Venti, Frappa-Mocha-Cappa Crappa

Just give me a fucking cup of coffee without making me learn a new goddamn language to get it. I've just now succumbed to the lure of Starbuck's, having formerly sneered derisively at all the fools who paid upwards of $3 for a simple cup of coffee. Little did I know the glories of the Venti Iced Caffe Mocha.

First, you have to appreciate that I'm a chocolaholic of the highest order. If there were an Order of the Chocolate Empire, I'd be addressed as Lady Bronwen Bittersweet, Keeper of the Cocoa, Duchess of the Dutch Process. Second, I love me some iced coffee. I get a large iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts every morning - what can I say? I'm a creature of habit. Third, any beverage that routinely comes served with Whipped Cream is high on my preferred beverage list. So, I've become enamoured, nay, enchanted by the Venti Iced Caffe Mocha.

It takes me a few minutes to compose my Starbuck's order though, as the grammar and word-order rules to their lexicon are so damned confusing. I mean, do you say Venti before iced when ordering? Is it an Iced Venti Caffe Mocha or a Venti Iced Caffe Mocha? Could you even say Caffe Mocha, Venti, Iced, as though you were Bond, James Bond? And this is an easy one, not including the placement of half-caf, double-shot, macchiato, or any of the other adjectives one can add. You'd think being able to speak three languages would enable me to easily order a cup of coffee in my own damn country.

Don't you think you should be able to pay less for your coffee if you master the language of Starbuckland and manage to successfully order your drink without stuttering? I think a linguistically-gifted discount should be made available. Who's with me?