Found wanting

I want to feel small and safe – a precious treasure - nestled against someone’s heart, held close by strong arms. I want to feel cherished and cosseted and intensely loved for a few short moments. I want the gentle strokes and quiet caresses that speak of love, and hint at ardor. I want someone to shield me and care for me, for just a little while, while I breathe in slow, sweet serenity.

I want to feel womanly and powerful, siren-like and sexy. I want to beguile and captivate, to seduce with my regard, my voice, and my body. I want to take and be taken, to devour and be devoured, to destroy and in turn be annihilated by the force of shared passion. I want to be the temptress, the wanton, the woman that wields wiles like weapons and has her prey begging to be slain.

I want to feel soft and giving, to love and nurture, to cuddle and protect. I want to provide sustenance and give life. I want to be the ease and comfort, the safe haven for another seeker, the keeper of secrets. I want to hold the answers to the mysteries, dispense wisdom and advice, and all in sage measure.

I want to guard my love, keep it fiercely private. I want to whisper it into a matchbox and tuck it quietly into a corner of my heart, to be opened by only me when I need it. I want to hold it warm in my hand and feel it radiate toward my heart, healing the daily bruises and scarifications.

I want it all. And I have none.