Creation

There are times when I can't stand to cook. There are tons of excuses - kitchen's too small, don't have the right ingredients, too tired, whatever - believe me, I've used 'em all. But today? Today was not one of those times.

I think, due more to having way more time off than I'm equipped to handle, I was just ready to roll up my sleeves and plunge into some serious cooking. Today, I made my Grandmother's favorite meal - ravioli, meatballs, garlic bread, and homemade sauce. You see, this Monday would have been her 80th birthday. I still miss her dreadfully - it sneaks up on me unawares and has me crying at the oddest moments. Simon and Garfunkle's "Bridge over Troubled Water" never fails to bring me to tears - she loved that song. My father sang it at her funeral.

Chopping onions for the sauce and meatballs gave me a great excuse to let go of some of the emotions I've been carrying around with me recently. Sneaky grief over my grandmother, frustration with my job, stress over some friends, changes in my body - it all just caught up with me as I minced the biggest goddamn onion I've ever bought into uniform bits. I diced peppers, pulverized garlic, and squished plum tomatoes into oblivion.

The sauce bubbled, aromatic, on the back of the stove while I rolled uniform balls of seasoned ground beef and spaced them out on a baking sheet. Plump ravioli slid into salted boiling water and rose proud to the surface. A clove of garlic rasped over toasted Tuscan bread, joined by a scraping of butter and a cloud of parmesan cheese, before being slipped into a hot oven to bubble and brown. The finished meatballs married the sauce, then joined the ravioli in a colorful bowl for a flavorful menage a trois.

Within an hour, I had created both dinner and a tribute. It was some of the tastiest therapy I've ever had.

Quick Update

Just time enough for a quick update:

Christmas was pretty good - Santa Claus was very good to me. I got the complete series of Babylon 5, a couple of other movies, and a bunch of gift cards from the WCM. Unlike many other women of my acquaintance, I'm very happy with the gift cards - the way I look at it, I've just been given the gift of guilt-free shopping! Miss Peanut got enough gifts for 10 children and is very happy with them. Santa brought a lot of clothes, too, and she was thrilled with them. Unusual for her, but since she is a little clotheshorse (gee, wonder where she gets that from?) perhaps I shouldn't be too surprised.

A couple days after Christmas, Miss Peanut decided she wanted to go to daycare and play with her friends, so the WCM and I took her, then caught a movie - Sweeney Todd. Whoooo, boy, was that a fun one! It's gory and profane enough for the WCM to enjoy it, and it's got Johnny Depp in it, so it's a sure thing for me... The WCM took me out for lunch afterward. Write it on your calendars and alert the media, people, the WCM has voluntarily parted with cash.

Friday, I went out to lunch with a lady who lives close and is contemplating having the same weight loss surgery I had. I answered a ton of questions, trying to be 100% honest. It's hard for me, because I've had such a positive, wonderful experience with my surgery. I have to be careful to point out that complications can and do arise and that not everybody has a journey as easy as mine.

Tonight, the WCM, in yet another revolutionary move, took me and Miss Peanut out to dinner again to a nice restaurant (Charlie Brown's) in another state. Slightly to the north. It was tasty! The WCM got the Parmesan Crusted Chicken, which was EXTREMELY DELICIOUS! I'm going to try to recreate that one at home. Wish me luck!

Tomorrow, New Year's Eve, is a blank slate for us. Miss Peanut is going out with her grandparents and will be staying the night. So, perhaps there shall be some fun of an adult nature at Peevish Place (insert waggling eyebrows and gallic hon hon hon here) during her absence. You know, ringing in the New Year with a Bang! (ba dum dum)

Hope your New Year is productive, fruitful, and exciting!

Tell me something I didn't know...

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 30% Conservative, 70% Liberal Social Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal Fiscal Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal Defense and Crime: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

I'm not that surprised, honestly. I've gotten more conservative and cranky in my old age... yeah, right!

You know, they never do...

You Are Marilyn Monroe

A classic tortured beauty You're the dream girl of many men Yet they never seem to treat you right

What Famous Pinup Are You?

They really don't. They absolutely don't. Bastards.

Content

Holding my bien aimé close, I am steeped in sensation – the feel of his bare skin pressed against mine, the drag of his stubble against my neck, the press of his fingertips on my hips. It is as though I can feel all of his previous touches at once. Everywhere his hands have stroked or his lips have kissed has come alive and tingles, suffused with carnal pleasure. My mind, meanwhile, spins, caught in a turbulent whirlwind of emotion.

Struggling to encompass the gravitas of this situation, I tuck it all away to think about later. Later, when my soul is not near inebriated by the joy of being held close. When I am not feeling so warm and tender, so connected to my bien aimé. Later, when I can examine my motives and my feelings. For now, I revel in his arms.

*****

Fresh from the shower, wrapped in flannel, I reflect. Stripped of all artifice and armor, I now feel vulnerable and exposed, free to be honest with myself. The love I have for, and give to, my bien aimé is not casual, though it has never been formalized by church or state. We have exchanged no vows or promises, yet that doesn’t make what we share any less meaningful or important to me. What he gives to me transcends the physical, the wanton corporeal gratification that I could produce on my own.

What he gives me is acceptance, that whoever and whatever I am or have been is worthy. I read no condemnation from him, or disgust in my actions or person. He gives me his trust, that neither of us will betray the other. We are neither free, but are instead bound to others. He offers me validation, that I am a woman, fair in form, deserving of receiving and giving love. This, right now, given my emotional fragility, may be the most important of all.

Am I using him? Is he using me? Is it even a question of use? All I know for certain is that I am happy to just be with him. To spend time, talking or touching, with my bien aimé, gives me all that I need right now. For the future, who knows? For now, I am content.

Grotesque

As I wipe the fog from the mirror, I am assaulted by the sight of my naked body. Always, I am taken aback by what I have become. I am smaller, yes, but at quite a price.

My eyes wander, taking in my sagging, deflated breasts, the remainder of a once glorious and bountiful bosom. These were breasts that once scoffed at padding. Now they hide behind it, shriveled and wrinkled shadows of their former selves.

Moving down to my pale, doughy abdomen, striped and furrowed by my past life, it resembles a squat white candle that’s melted and dripped in rivulets upon itself. Old, faded scars live there, bearing testimony to my former size. Newer ones, made by a surgeon’s knives, have joined them, bringing me here. Skin that was once firm, round, and packed now puddles around my hips. I can grab rolls of it and hoist it up to my ribs. I am not a pretty sight.

I cringe to think of my bien aimé touching this grotesque body. I am ashamed to have him look upon it, knowing that it is not beautiful, as he deserves. I can’t imagine him taking pleasure in it, or enjoying its dubious charms.

Still, I want the physical. Even while I feel so hideously deformed, I crave his touch, the feel of his palms sliding over my flawed torso and down my melted buttocks. I ache to feel his lips caress my wasted breasts, worship the column of my neck, and meld with my own in kisses that steal my breath. I yearn to feel him so deep, deep, inside of me, where I stand a chance of giving him some of the amazing sensation he bestows upon me. I want so much to give my bien aimé the same rapturous gratification that I receive from him.

Yet, staring at this repellent reflection, I am doubtful that he will ever feel it.

Duh...

Your Vocabulary Score: A+

Congratulations on your multifarious vocabulary! You must be quite an erudite person.

How's Your Vocabulary?

Saffy, darling!

Your Score: Saffron

You scored 75% intoxication, 0% hotness, 100% complexity, and 50% craziness!

You are Saffron!

Those other spices have nothing on you! You're warm, smart, and you make people feel really good (and with no side-effects!). You can be difficult to get to know and require a lot of those who try, but you're so totally worth it. *Sigh*

Link: The Which Spice Are You Test written by jodiesattva on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Nice, but I don't think I'm that difficult to get to know. And hey - what's up with the 0% hotness? Damn...

What I've done

Bold the ones you've done:

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and didn’t care who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Gotten flowers for no reason (as in given, yes)
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Passed out cold
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life

Thanks to Hube for this one!

Aftershocks

I sit on the sofa, smiling absently into space as my daughter finishes her homework and her father surfs the ‘net. Recalling my activities earlier in the day, I flush and shift against the cushions. An eyebrow cocks in my direction and I smile apologetically as I continue to squirm inwardly. Settling back into the corner, I draw a throw over my still-quivering thighs as my memories continue to rush over me.

My bien aimé is leaning over me, his mouth soft and yielding against mine while his hand tangles and fists in my hair, a pleasurably painful pull. His lips roam my throat, making my knees buckle and my breath come short. My hands glide over the corded muscle of his back, following the ridge of his spine. Cheekily, I slide my hand around the curve of his buttock, smiling against his lips as his chuckle vibrates against them.

Homework completed, I usher my child up the stairs, trying desperately to concentrate on her evening rituals: tooth brushing, pajama wrangling, and story reading. All her questions satisfactorily answered, I tuck her into bed, turn on her bedtime music, and flick off the light. Retiring to my bedroom, I begin undressing for the shower, only to flash back as my fingers close over the buttons of my shirt.

His hand smoothes over my ribs, brushing just under my breast, tantalizing me into arching toward him. Slender, graceful fingers close over me, pulling a sigh straight from my soul. When those fingers are replaced by his generous mouth, my sighs turn to trembling moans, and my own fingers clutch spasmodically in the material of his shirt.

Swathed in terrycloth, I run the shower scalding hot. Stepping free of my robe, I duck into the purifying force and bow my head under the spray. As I rasp a soapy washcloth over highly sensitized skin, I am awash in stimulation. My memories continue to sweep over me as the hand holding the washcloth travels lower, seemingly following my thoughts. As it traces lazy circles along my kindled flesh, I fall limply against the shower wall, feeling the contrast of my scorched skin against the chill of the tile. The convergence of hot and cold, combined with the gentle abrasion of cloth against my slick skin, causes a sparkling coalescence that leaves me grateful for the support of the wall, however chilly, during this aftershock.

Held gently against the shoulder of my bien aimé, his hand resting on my face, I close my eyes and breathe slowly, trying to calm my racing heart. Content to just be for a moment, my lips curve as I feel his thumb sweep along my jawline. Rising slowly, I press a soft kiss to his lips, and, renewed, I leave him.

From the trenches

"So, do I convert from Fahrenheit to Celsius? Dude, I don't even know how to spell Fahrenheit in English."

That's because it's a German word, sweetie.

"Yeah, but I still don't know how to spell it in English."

*********

I think my student understood why I had my head down on the desk, shoulders shaking in nearly silent laughter.

Ah, the joys of teaching - they are many and simple.

Writing hiatus

Because I know you find my fictional love-life oh-so titillating, I've decided to take a break from posting my salacious stories and perhaps do something else.

Like visit this site for hours on end, giggling over the captions.