Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Keep your elderly away!

My mother-in-law passed away today. She was 86 years old.

For the love of doG, people, keep your elderly away from me! Within a year, I've lost my maternal grandmother, my paternal grandfather, and both in-laws. I should be wearing a plague warning for the olds.



Tuesday, February 27, 2007


So, one of the things I do pretty well is teach French. It would figure that one of the other things I do pretty well is speak French. I'm not bad. After spending a month there once, I was mistaken for French quite frequently by natives. My pronunciation doesn't suck.

Wouldn't you know it, today one of my students informs me that I've been mispronouncing four and five in French. He knows this because his father - who is not French, by the way - told him so. Jeez! Here I've been for the last 25 years mispronouncing quatre and cinq. Go figure. I mean, this is soooooo totally advanced pronunciation! These words make the tongue-twisting challenge offered by "grenouille" seem paltry in comparison. Thank you so much, average schmoe for undermining my authority in the classroom. I appreciate it.


I gave my student some pronunciation websites that he and his father can visit together to help with their French phonetics. Hope they get their tongues in shape in time to taste the crow.


Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Random Musings

How pissed must the members of the Violent Femmes be that their angsty anthem “Blister in the Sun” is now being used to sell a sandwich at a fast-food chain?


So, is the chubby curly-haired Chris on American Idol growing on any of you? He’s my kind of quirky. Nothing like rooting for the obvious underdog, eh? I think Randy agrees with me. Welcome to the Dawg Pound, dude! Simon, though, for once he and I are not in synch. I must have a thing for the Chris on American Idol, because I have Chris Daughtry’s album from last season, and let me tell you something: He’s the real fucking deal! The whole album is incredible. Buy it, you won’t be sorry. (of course, this presupposes that you are a fan of the hard-driving, guitar-heavy, metal-inspired music that brings me in a warm rush!)

Did the ladies bring it on Idol, or what?! Dayam! I was a tad disheartened by the showing the gentlemen put on yesterday, I’ll admit. The ladies,though – Whoooo! Fan-freaking-tastic! And LaKisha? Damn, girl, you can sing!


Pissed at Trader Joe’s is my current mood. They’ve discontinued my favorite snack: soytzels. These tasty, extra-crunchy soy pretzels had one gram of protein in EACH PRETZEL. As a protein fiend, these were the best thing since, wait, does bread actually come already sliced?! I’ve had to search the internet (the source of all goodness) for more soy pretzels. Not much luck, unless I want to buy in bulk. I’ve tried the Newman’s Own brand of protein enriched pretzel – good, but not enough protein for the serving size. Boring, this is. Moving on, I’ll be. Yoda, I sound like.


Do you know what’s a great – if totally made-up – word? Misconscrobulated. It’s a conflation of misconstrued and discombobulated. Isn’t it wonderful? I think it exactly conveys the feeling I get whenever I try to explain something that completely comes out wrong. It's one of my Dad's forays into wordsmithing. I think it works, how about you?

Monday, February 19, 2007

A day in the life...

7:30 am - wake up, put on TV for Miss Peanut, roll over and cuddle for a while. I hate mornings, and waking up rarely leaves me cheerful. Miss Peanut usually wakes up slow, like me, and prefers to ease into mornings home with a cartoon or two. It reminds me of my grad school days when I would wake up during Winter Session and watch Sailor Moon before getting ready to teach my French class.

8:00 am - roll out of bed and head downstairs for breakfast. Miss Peanut requested pancakes and sausage. I pulled pancakes out of the freezer - they freeze very well, you know. Try it the next time you make some. Just remember to put them in individual freezer/sandwich bags. - and lovely chicken sausage out of the fridge. After a thin stream of canola oil hit the pan, I tossed some sausages in it. The kitchen soon became redolent with the aromas of sage and thyme. The pancakes were even easier - 30 seconds on each side in the nuclear reactor microwave, and they were done. In about five minutes, Miss Peanut and I were enjoying hot multigrain pancakes and chicken sausage, both drenched in butter and deep-amber maple syrup. I don't know about you, but I love my breakfast meat floating in maple

8:25 am - catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and scare the bejesus out of myself. I know that normally upon waking, I am no pre-Raphaelite beauty. In fact, I usually resemble an extremely grumpy and unkempt hedgehog, grumbling after being pulled rudely backwards through the hornbeam. This morning, though, I was rocking the fauxhawk. I ran for the bathroom to wet down the mess and try to mitigate the damage.

9:00 am - give up on hair, get dressed, and head out to the gym. Ever since receiving the Edict from On High (surgeon's orders) to exercise, I have tried. In fact, my only New Year's Resolution was to try to make exercise more of a priority. In this, I have succeeded. I dropped Miss Peanut in the Y's babysitting room - sheer Bedlam, from the looks of things - and headed to the locker room.

9:40 am - on the elliptical machine. Motherfucking cocksucking motherfucker, this goddamned cunting piece of shit machine is still kicking my flat ass! Bloody buggery fucker! How can I possibly only have done five minutes? I've been on this contraption for an eternity!

9:50 am - on the elliptical machine, still. Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ! Maybe if I go backwards on this fucking thing, I won't feel the burning misery that are my quads. Wait! What?! Awkwardness!! Abort! Abort! Abort! What the fuck??!!! Oh, God, never again. Forwards only. How much longer do I have to go? Five more minutes? I'll never make it.

9:55 am - WHAT?! What do you mean that I have FIVE FUCKING MINUTES of cool down to do? It used to be three minutes! Five minutes?! Give me a break. I'll never walk after this. I'll have to crawl down the hall to collect Peanut. Oh, ouch, this sucks.

10:00 am - Whew. Off the elliptical machine, on to the Nautilus machines. The nautilus machines are usually ok. I get in an abdominal workout, do my biceps and triceps, and find one machine that works my glutes. I have flat ass now. I want me some booty! The glute machine wasn't so much fun, but if it boosts my booty even a fraction of a millimeter northwards, it'll have been worth it.

10:20 am - in the car on the way home. Miss Peanut informs me that the babysitting center was "OK," and that all babies do is cry, cry, cry!

11:00 am - in the shower. Let's not go there. It's a freakshow of deflated skin and sagginess. Shut up. Just shut up.

12:30 am - have just been informed that it's time for lunch, and we're going to the Charcoal Pit. Hmmm, the Pit sounds good. I could just go for a cheeseburger. Miss Peanut is thrilled that we're going out to lunch, and I am thrilled that her choice meshes well with my plan for the rest of the day. I was going to take her out anyway, and was bracing for a fight. I REFUSE to go to McDonald's ever again. Well, not so much Mickey D's as much as any fast food restaurant where chicken nuggets and french fries are served. Ugh. I am no food snob, and I think that there should be some room in a child's diet for junk - I can personally attest to what happens to a person of my temperament and disposition when deprived of junk food; um, 300 pound woman say anything to you people? - but jaysus, let's not go overboard and make a steady diet out of the shite. But, I digress...

1:30 pm - discussing former students with another former student who happened to be sitting next to us at the Charcoal Pit. This kid is now a 911 dispatcher. Scary. Very scary. That's all I have to say about that.

2:30 pm - at Barnes and Noble, sitting stoically in the Children's section while Miss Peanut flits about trying to find a book. Thank god for the Starbuck's in B&N, that's all I've got to say. I endure massive whining after flatly refusing to buy any "toy books." You parents of girls will instantly understand. You know, they're pink, about Princesses or fairies or the like, and come with a doll, or stickers, or beads, or somesuch nonsense that distracts from actually reading the book. Miss Peanut is starting to read now, so I'm pushing her toward Dr. Seuss and away from the "toy books." She gets a valentine book about Snoopy (it was 50% off, SCORE!) and I chose one called "Where is the green sheep?"

4:00 pm - elbow-deep in ground beef, eggs, and seasonings. Ahhhhh, meatloaf! Is there any dinner as comforting as meatloaf dripping with ketchup, mashed potatoes running with butter, and baby peas? Not in my opinion! Where the kitchen was earlier redolent with sage and thyme, it is now scented with ketchup and onion. I can almost taste the scrumptiousness of tonight's meal.

6:00 pm - on the internet, having consumed dinner, (Yes, it was indeed as good as anticipated, as few things rarely are.) and checking into all my internet friends' lives, via blogs and livejournals. Miss Peanut and the WCM are snuggled up together. A steady diet of Mama today has left Miss P with an appetite for Daddy cuddles. I'm ok with that, as I wouldn't mind some Daddy cuddles myself.

7:30 pm - putting Miss Peanut to bed, explaining about Bull Sharks. So, yeah, sharks are a particular phobia of mine. I watch Shark Week, read all kinds of books about sharks, and check out National Geographic whenever they've got a good article on sharks. Miss Peanut is either going to be as phobic as me when it comes to the ocean's largest predators, or she's going to be a marine biologist and scare me right into religion.

9:00 pm - watching Star Trek shows on tv. There's one about Star Trek memorabilia, hosted by Mr. Spock Leonard Nimoy that's really good. I've got a cup of tea, Earl Gray, hot, steaming on the table at my side. I'm also dreaming of chocolate, a la Deanna Troi, but there's none to be had in my house. Bummer.

11:00 pm - Bedtime. Goodnight, all.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Gee, what a surprise...

Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me"

A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out.
Your heart is open to where ever love takes you!

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out

Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking

What turns you off: fighting and conflict

Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love

Tuesday, February 13, 2007


I'll be blogging for home tomorrow, as Miss Peanut delivered the jackpot on the Bodily Fluids Trifecta: peed her pants, vomited all over the carpet, and then shat herself. Wooo hooo! Girlfriend is currently tucked up in bed, snoozing her way toward a viral-free tomorrow.

I was really not looking forward to trying to fight my way in to work tomorrow. We got about 2 inches of snow, which is currently being covered by freezing rain, turning the roads into a huge sheet of ice. My district is generally pretty callous where the weather is concerned, though, and will probably have everyone report for schoolin' as usual. The attitude is going to be plenty ugly if they actually do that, from staff and students.

Meanwhile, Miss Peanut and I will be snuggled up on the sofa watching Harry Potter and sipping chicken soup. Thanks for the emesis, Peanut.

Friday, February 09, 2007

I am a

What Flower
Are You?

"When your friends think smile, they think of you. There is not a day that goes by that you can't find something good about the world and your fellow human."

Thanks to Ezpy for this one! I love sunflowers, too. My grandfather used to grow enormous sunflowers in his garden every year. I suppose the same could be said of him, as well.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Miss Peanut experiences Black History Month

Miss Peanut has experienced a fair amount of diversity in her short life. She's attended two daycare centers - TT and BH. I had started her at BH and was very happy with it until I experienced some philosophical differences with the Pre-K teacher. I switched her to TT at that point. When she entered Kindergarten this year, I changed her back to BH. Funnily enough, the teacher that I'd had issues with at BH was fired, and turned up where? You guessed it - TT.

Well, tonight, during our snuggles at bedtime, Miss Peanut told me that she wanted to go back to TT and she wanted to take her friend Clo with her. The reason? Clo has never seen any "brown people." Apparently, Miss Peanut has noticed the lack of diversity in her Kindergarten and BH classrooms. According to her, "there aren't as many brown people" in her classes now as there were at TT.

Funny what little kids notice, huh?