Over the past week, I've gotten, like, 3 emails from
people who were concerned that the mythical "they" were "stealing Christmas." What the fuck?
concerned souls were upset because people weren't walking around willy-nilly wishing perfect strangers a "Merry Christmas." Another thing that made them
whine like selfish little babies
peevish was that businesses weren't displaying Christmas-themed decorations, and were instead opting for the neutral Winter or Holiday-themed decor. What really cheesed them off, though, is when innocent souls would wish them "Happy Holidays." Their belligerent response was that they would respond to these offensive wishes by loudly wishing the offender a "Merry Christmas," instead.
Um, I reiterate: what the fuck? Since when is anyone required
to cater to any one
religious holiday? Didn't the founders of this country guarantee us the right not to have to
cater to one religion? Didn't people die
for this right?
One part of their argument is that for centuries
the people of this country went around wishing each other Merry Christmas with no argument, and this faceless, nameless "they" that are stealing their Christmas is tampering with a long-standing tradition. Well,
concerned Christian, when you can count the history of your country in centuries on ONE HAND, then I really don't think you can bitch. Mkay? Also, the women in some African countries have been practicing female circumcision for centuries
. Does that make it ok
to you? Do you want people to wish you "Merry Clit-ectomy Day?" Me neither!
The part that really toasted my chestnuts was the argument that by not
wishing perfect strangers a Merry Christmas, you run the risk of offending 85% of Americans, as that is the percentage of Christians in America. Well excuse the fuck out of me! If someone, let alone the average self-centered American, goes out of their fucking way to wish me a Happy fucking Holiday, I'm going to smile graciously and accept their good wishes, as anyone raised with manners would do!
And, hey - news bulletin: I'm not among the 85%. I still have a tree, wreaths, and little statues of Santa. I've decked my fucking halls. I troll the ancient yuletide carol, too. Why? Because Christmas has become a wonderfully consumerist holiday. Yes, I believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and the Great Pumpkin. I'm also a greedy bitch who wants presents at any and all opportunities. So cough up,
Christians, and bring on the bling.