I'm Samantha!

I'm ok with looking like Kim Cattrall. I'm sooooo ok with that.

Y'all, I have found the solution...

I have found the solution to my fat problem, y'all. I am accepting Paula Deen into my heart as my personal Lord and Savior.

Deep-fried Butter Balls, y'all.

Um, seriously now, What The Fuck is this Shit?! Take fat, bread it, and deep fry it in more fat? Is the woman trying to kill us? Ok, trying to kill y'all, because I may be the only person on the planet that could eat these l'il fuckers with impunity at the moment.

Once I figure out what to serve with these things, I may just try making them. You know, just for shits 'n' giggles.

Fat!

Um, I have just been exchanging emails with my nutritionist about my latest round of bloodwork. You remember the fucking vampires? Well, they didn't take enough blood to process one of my tests. I have to go back and let the bitches stick me again.

Anyhoo, it turns out my cholesterol is...

are you ready for this?

Ninety.

Yes, 90.

I have been advised to take Essential Fatty Acids and to eat more fat, because I have to RAISE my cholesterol.

Can I tell you how bizarre that sounds to me?

I'm off to eat a big-ass bacon cheeseburger now, heavy on the mayo.