Funny shit, y'all!

I went to a birthday party today after work - a grown up birthday party with wine, beer, and yummy nibbly things. The birthday girl, K, was hugely funny, and was making us laugh like loons. We all gossiped like fiends (after the one male guest left) and watched one of our colleagues get completely plowed.

Yes, people, we laughed at the drunk. We laughed a lot.

I know it's completely uncharitable and more than a bit reprehensible, but it was funny as shit, yo. This woman put away 6 glasses of white wine in a little under an hour. She was all "I know I'm a l'il bit tipshy, but I gotta uphol' my reputaptashun." She had an arm around our Principal, who is retiring in a month, and was leaning heavily on her saying "Ah'm gonna mish ya, BB." To my knowledge, no one has ever called our Principal "BB." Heeeeeheeeee! Go drunken colleague!

After she went into the host's kitchen, ostensibly for a refill, we clustered together on the sofas and giggled. Aside from the drunken colleague, we also discussed the much younger girlfriend of one of our colleagues, the dangers of making love in a champagne-glass-shaped hot tub, some of our students that we wish would get in a bathtub more, no matter what its shape, and my button-popping Mardi Gras escapade during period 2 today.

Oh yes, there was an escapade.

Since I'm a French teacher, I can get away with throwing a whole day of parties under the guise of "Making a Cultural Connection." Look it up, it's in the ACTFL standards, baby. I gave the kids the recipe for King Cake so they could make it for the party, I bought beads for everyone, and devoted two days to exploring the culture and traditions of New Orleans and Mardi Gras. However, thanks to the "Girls Gone Wild" series of videos, all of my students automatically associate Mardi Gras with young girls exposing their breastesses in order to get beads. My oft-repeated slogan since last Thursday has been "Beads for Brains, not for Boobies."

During period 2, I distributed the beads first thing, with a fair amount of humor about boys trying to pull up their shirts and show me their "moobs" (man-boobs). After a little while, someone discovered the bean in the King Cake and I went to take off the huge strand of decorative beads I was wearing to pass them over to the King of the Class for the day. I accidentally ripped the top button off my v-neck cardigan, exposing a fair amount of my cleavage and the lacy top of my bra. Without batting an eye, one of my lovely young men called out "Here, Madame!" and tossed me his beads.

Beads for Brains, indeed.

The Purse

Just for fun, I decided to photograph my purse. It's a lovely purse - Liz Claiborne - medium brown, mock crock, with a couple of nice pockets in it. Here it is:

Upon emptying it out - and disposing of all the crap that has collected in it, like old ATM slips, outdated coupons, and bits of motherly detritus - I found that I don't really carry much around.

Here's a peek into my life:

Wallet, cell phone, tissues, pen drive, schedule, and checkbook. Usually, there's a packet of wet wipes in there too, but I used the last one in Charleston and have yet to replace them.

I love traveling light, but I need the big purse to off-set the big body. I'd look like I was carrying one of Miss Peanut's bags if I had anything smaller, according to my Mom.

Thanks for that, Mom. Thanks a lot.

Reason 12,039,487 that I love my Nan

There are many reasons why I love my grandmother. The most recent is because when she was given two boxes of Godiva chocolate for Christmas and her birthday, she ate all of the milk chocolate pieces from both boxes, then combined the dark pieces in one box and gave it to me. She's a lovely woman.

Bits and Bobs

There is a bunch of shite are snippets of stuff that have been infesting my brain today that I just have to unload.

*****
I am obsessive about cleaning my ears. When we were little, my step-mother told my brother that there was so much dirt in his ears that he could grow potatoes in them. His earwax was pretty impacted in one ear, so the doctor had to clean it out with a syringe. Nasty. Ever since, I've been vigilant about wielding the cotton buds and cleaning the nasties out. I know, I know - I've heard that you should never put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear. But honestly, I can't stand the itchy feeling I get when I go for more than a day without twizzling a Q-tip around in my auditory canal. My Aunt Roberta took it one step further and used the curved end of a bobby pin. Now that's hard core.

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I have clicker envy. The clicker - you know, that little electronic doodad that remotely unlocks the car doors - is one of the many options that I didn't get with my last car. I should have splurged. It seems today that everyone and her sister has a clicker while I am left doing things the old-fashioned way. I don't have power locks, either, meaning that my passenger has to bother locking the door manually upon exiting the vehicle. Added to this, they have to crank down their own windows, too. I want one of those cute little clickers that will unlock my doors when I have my hands loaded down with groceries, handbag, and Miss Peanut.

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We had a "Courageous Conversation" about race today for our faculty meeting. I was once again irked, as these conversations are occurring so we can close the achievement gap that exists between our Caucasian and African-American students, yet they do not offer any concrete strategies or even abstract hypotheses for doing so. They are mainly focused on how our lives are impacted by race, and how, since I'm white, I've been subject to "white privilege." I'm a trifle bemused by this "benefit," as it's not something I asked for and it's not something I want to be resented for, either. If someone's going to resent me, then I want to be resented for my accomplishments, not my race. These conversations have the interesting side benefit of making me feel guilty about the color of my skin. I wonder how courageous that conversation would be considered?

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Cheese is possibly the world's most perfect food. I adore it. From Saint Andre to Chevre, from Feta to Red Dragon, from Parmesan to Velveeta, I adore it. I'm currently enjoying an English Cheddar with Caramelized onions. MMMMmmmmmmmmm. What's your favorite cheese?

In which my father forays into pop culture

My father's last journey into the world of pop culture was sometime between 1975 and 1978 before retreating into the insular world of cultural elitism - ballet, opera, and public television. Upon realizing that he would have to take a 9 hour car trip with his 4 year old granddaughter, Dad decided to brush up on his pop culture and bring a CD of "modern music" with him.

Dancing Queen? Waterloo? The Winner Takes It All?

Yes. Modern music, according to my paterfamilias is ABBA.

So, the soundtrack of the road trip went as follows - NPR (National Public Radio), ABBA Gold, Bryn Terfel, Verdi's Macbeth, Beethoven Piano Sonatas (performed by Van Cliburn), and a Laurie Berkner children's CD that I brought for Miss Peanut.

Thank God for my MP3 player. I owe the WCM big-time for that gift. Not that I don't like my Dad's taste in music (except for Bryn Terfel - he got on my nerves). I was raised with it, so even if I didn't enjoy it, I have the appropriate musical antibodies. I just like choosing my own soundtrack - which is a bit more modern and varied than Dad's, bless his heart.

I've fallen in love...

I've fallen in love and I'm moving to Charleston to be with my new love, Max. Max is simply gorgeous - big blue eyes, little cupids-bow mouth, kissable cheeks and a rather bald head. He smiles all the time, showing off his gorgeous dimples, and is a snuggling fiend. He is, rather unfortunately for me, rather attached to his mother's breasts, but we must all make sacrifices for love.

Seriously, I'm having a great time here in sunny South Carolina, where it's been as warm as 74 degrees (fahrenheit) and only as chilly as 56. I've been staying with my friend Melanie and her husband Jeff, parents of delightful Max.

Having a great time, wish you were here.

Must go snuggle some more! Bye!

Random musings

So many of my thoughts are random these days, I thought I'd grace you with a few.
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Do you know that song Pretty Vegas by INXS? You know, the reconstituted, new-and-improved INXS with the vaguely Hutchence-esque new lead singer JD Whatsisname? Well, I know it, and I really like it. It starts out all tightly wound and pulsing, then opens the hell up on the bridge, blowing me completely away, leaving me twitching and quaking as they head into the second verse. Then there's that middle bit where the vocal goes all 1930s radio on us, giving me the an aftershock vibe, kind of an echo of the first bit - but you see, you know what's about to happen and the anticipation builds until you just cant wait for the bridge to open again and suck you in so you're rhythmically clenching all of your muscles and swaying in your seat until it bursts upon you again. Damn, it's a hot song, but it ain't pretty.

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Do you know what's a good word? Geezer. It conjures up the image of the balding, toothless old man with little effort. But a better word is Codger. I just love codger. To me, a codger is a geezer in golf attire. Both, of course, have the sprouting ear-hair popular in the old set.

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Number 473 on the "Things I Hate" list: Fake mashed potatoes. How fucking hard is it to boil up some potatoes, then mash them up with some butter and sour cream? Not very, seeing as I do it on an average of 3 times a week. What's worse, Number 474 I suppose, is when you ask if your waitress if the mashed potatoes are real or instant, and the bitch lies to you. Then you have to wonder if she knowingly deceived you, or is just trailer-trash and didn't know the difference.

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Number 13,487 on the "Things I Can't Do Without" list: Loud Metal Music when I'm in a pissy mood. I've been cranking the Evanescence up recently (and terrorizing poor Rufus the fish, I'm sure, as his bowl is right next to the speakers), when I've been at home alone because my moods have been off the charts bitchy. I'm quoting another lovely blogger here who said "Hormonal and Welsh. A bad combination." or words to that effect. Yes, I concur. Metal seems to exorcise most of the bad humours and leave me relatively tranquil afterwards. Kind of like musical Lithium.

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One of my students has the most eclectic musical tastes I've ever encountered. He surprised me one day by telling me something he learned after watching Country Music Television, then let me listen to a song on his iPod by a Jewish Reggae singer (he said he looks Amish, so I suppose he's Hasidic). He's in a metal band, and also enjoys the occasional classical tune. This kid has also got the kind of looks that are going to turn female heads and drop jaws in about 10 years. I hope I find out what he makes of himself in those 10 years, because it's bound to be interesting.

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When I was fourteen, I believed that my perfect day would involve a window seat in a castle library in a green and rainy country (gee, sound like Wales to you?) with a soft blanket, a cup of tea, a good book, a contented cat warming my feet, and a husband and children somewhere else in the castle amusing themselves and leaving me alone to read for a while.

It's comforting to know that I really knew myself 20 years ago, as my fantasy has not changed much. Well, hasn't changed any, really.

You have no idea how happy I am about this.

You scored as Babylon 5 (Babylon 5). The universe is erupting into war and your government picks the wrong side. How much worse could things get? It doesn't matter, because no matter what you have your friends and you'll do the right thing. In the end that will be all that matters. Now if only the Psi Cops would leave you alone. Babylon 5 (Babylon 5) 88% Moya (Farscape) 88% Millennium Falcon (Star Wars) 75% Serenity (Firefly) 75% Deep Space Nine (Star Trek) 63% Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica) 63% Andromeda Ascendant (Andromeda) 56% Enterprise D (Star Trek) 50% Bebop (Cowboy Bebop) 44% FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files) 38% SG-1 (Stargate) 25% Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix) 25% Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics) created with QuizFarm.com

Considering that this is one of my favorite sci-fi shows ever, I'm thrilled to be a part of this crew. Farscape is another of my absolute favorites. Even though I loved Star Trek: TNG, I don't think I'd fit in with their uber-idealistic philosophy.

Thanks to Hube for this gem.

"We are all Kosh."

Result!

A day off!

Now I have to go back to the grind tomorrow. That's ok, though, as I only have two days until I head off to the lovely - and warm - Charleston, South Carolina. Finally, I'll get to see my little Max. He'd better be ready for some serious cuddling, because Auntie Bronwen is downright baby deprived.

Mmmmmm. I love the smell of baby powder in the morning!

One foot, two foot

We got twelve, count 'em, twelve inches of snow. It's gorgeous outside, white and fluffy, soft like down, cold as fuck! I didn't set foot outside today, but instead, stayed in while the WCM shoveled snow. I prepared the hot drinks for him - herbal tea, mainly. I offered him hot chocolate, but he declined.

I checked all the snow closings, and it seems that my district is the only one in the northern part of the state - the part most affected by the storm - that is still open. I'm so pissed.

What the fuck good is a foot of snow if it can't get you out of school for one goddamned day!

I'm still putting the phone by my bed, just in case.

Surprise, Surprise

So I'm looking forward to enjoying a thick 14 inches this weekend.

Of snow, perverts.

So far, we've had a very warm winter with scarcely any precipitation whatsoever. I was exceedingly bummed about it, because I could sorely use a snow day right about now. I mean, the kids are driving me right out of my ever-loving mind with their whining, neighbor-talking, note-passing, lazy-ass ways. So I really am looking forward to a nice blizzard.

The forecast for this Nor'easter is between 6 and 14 inches. If I only get 6, I'll feel cheated. I mean, wouldn't you?

All crap, all the time!

Your Kissing Purity Score: 46% Pure

You're not one to kiss and tell... But word is, you kiss pretty well.

Kissing Purity Test

Dela-where?

I'm kind of scared here, because I know a lot of these... sheesh.

You Know You're From Delaware When...

You know where, what and when the Hummers Parade is held. "Vacation" means going to Rehoboth or Cape "Cantaloupe" Henlopen. You know the best subs come from Capriotti's. You used to play in the wooder in the crick, and caught fraugs. Your school classes were canceled because of 3 snowflakes. The whole state panics and uses all of their road salt for those 3 snowflakes. You love the beach but hate the tourists. You know about punkin-chunkin and you have your favorite chunker. You know someone who went to school with one of the Capano's. You've eaten scrapple sandwiches. You can identify all the major types of manure by smell (especially chicken!) If it takes more than an hour to drive to, you're not going. You know what a "slippery" dumpling is. You know who YouDee is. Somebody in your family has worked for the DuPont Company. You think the "Apple Scrapple Festival" is perfectly normal, except for all those granola types running in the 5K race. You think, maybe, just maybe, you might get a White Christmas. Thenit rains. The highest point in the state is a rise on the golf course. The state has one hill. You've been sledding on it. You remember WAMS and WCAU (BARSKY in the morning!). You know NewERK is in New Jersey, but NewARK is in Delaware. You know how to carefully pronounce the name Foulk Road. You talk of Northern Delaware and the entire Eastern Seaboard as "above the canal." You know if another Delawarean is from southern, middle or northern Delaware as soon as they open their mouth. You know the name of every street in Delaware, but have no idea what the route number is. When you want to go out for a nice dinner, you have to switch states. You can remember when Maryland Bank (MBNA) swallowed up Ogletown and Putt-Putt. Everywhere you go, you always run into someone you know or went to school with. You know what Newark Night and First Night are. You know exactly which roads to avoid due to the CONSTANT roadconstruction. You love Dollie's salt water taffy and Grotto's Pizza. You know where all of the late-night 24-hour rest stops and restaurants are. You can remember when Christiana Hospital was a field with cows. You remember when Christiana Mall had a Galaxy arcade. When you go out of state to shop or eat, you are always surprised about the tax You know the differences in housing in Elsmere, Pike Creek, and Greenville. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Delaware.

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Tagged

I am IT, baby!

The lovely Tuna Girl tagged me with this.

4 jobs you've held

1. Teacher - I teach French (and sometimes Spanish) to 7th & 8th graders. It has its challenges, but overall, it's a great gig.
2. Secretary - I was a temp during summers and my two years of fruitless job searching (when a French teacher gets a job, they keep it until the Grim Reaper pries it from their cold, dead fingers. Or they retire or move. Whichever comes first). I fucking HATED being a temporary Secretary - the last time I did it, I had just gotten a Masters Degree in French Literature, for fuck's sake, and was working for morons. Sorry to sound like a snob, but there it is.
3. Copy editor - for a major pharmaceutical company. I loved that job, but it was a temp gig, too.
4. Camp counselor - at two different camps. I was usually given the 5 1/2 year old girls. We played "beauty shop" all morning some days, because they all had long hair which no one ever ran a brush through.

4 places you've lived
This one is hard, as I've not really lived many places. Sooooooo,

1. Ridley Park, Pennsylvania - for my first 6 months, until my parents moved.
2. Wilmington, Delaware - where I live currently
3. Newark, Delaware - for my first year of University
4. Angers, France - for 5 weeks one summer, far too short, in my opinion.

4 movies you'd watch over and over
1. Pride and Prejudice - A&E version, with Colin Firth. Ahhhhhhhh.
2. The Full Monty
3. French Kiss - just to see France again.
4. The Thomas Crown Affair (the Pierce Brosnan remake) - I want to be Kathryn Banning when I grow up.

4 TV Shows I watch
1. Survivor
2. American Idol
3. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
4. Clean House - 'cause Niecy Nash cracks me up!

4 sites I visit every day
1. everyone on my blogroll - seriously
2. see number 1
3. see number 2
4. see number 3

4 places I'd rather be right now
1. getting a long Swedish massage
2. Anywhere, France
3. Starbucks, anywhere, with unlimited Venti Iced Caffe Mocha
4. In a window seat, in a library, in a castle, in Wales, in the rain.

4 people I'm going to tag with this:
so many peole have done this by now, that I don't know who's done it and who hasn't. So, if you've already done this and I tag you, my apologies.

1. Not Well Planned
2. Whinger
3. Butterflies on the Wind
4. Rubber Hose

Grumpy

"What's the matter, Mommy?"

"I'm just grumpy, Peanut."

"Is it because you didn't have your coffee this morning?"

"You know, it could be."

(patting my hand with a sympathetic expression) "It's ok, Mommy. After we watch Cinderella, we'll go and get you some coffee."

So Freaking Cute!

You have to check this site out. You will want to gouge your eyes out from the cuteness. Especially the bunnies. My God. The Bunnies.

Damn Comcast!

LOGO keeps flickering in and out on me right now, right when I've caught Fingersmith on! On the schedule, it says that Graham Norton in New York is supposed to be on, but I lucked out.

A couple of years ago on BBC America, I saw Tipping the Velvet. The lesbian aspect aside, it was wonderful to see a drama about Victorian women without reference to the men in their lives. It seems that whenever you see a period drama, the women are seen as someone's wife, sister, or mother. They are defined by their societal roles. In these two movies, women take risks and step outside of the roles that were forced upon them. It's liberating to watch.

And kinda hot, too.